100 wc by Kyra


There once was a man called Donald ,who lived in a ramshackle  cottage. His favourite hobby was to explore and take on new challenges. On a Friday afternoon,Donald was watching the BBC news and there was a report about Niagara Falls. Donald decided that he had never explored This extraordinary place before and he really wanted to. Donald devised a plan to cross Niagara Falls but he was going to do it a little different…he was going long jump it! Donald accomplished long jumping across Niagara Falls and the world was astonished! Donald wrote a book about his adventure called ‘My ultimate adventure ‘.

  1. #1 by Mr Vaughan on March 24, 2015 - 10:01 am

    One capital in wrong place.
    Too many ‘he’s in sentence 4.
    Different? or could you change it to an adverb.
    Going long jump it?

    Good choice of vocab – astonished, devised, ramshackle.

  2. #2 by Kyra on March 24, 2015 - 10:11 am

    There once was a man called Donald who lived in a ramshackle cottage. His favourite hobby was to explore and take on new challenges. On a Friday afternoon, Donald was watching the BBC news and there was a report about Niagara Falls. Donald decided that he had never explored this extraordinary place before and he really wanted to. He devised a plan to cross Niagara Falls but he was going to do it a little differently… he was going to long jump it! Donald accomplished long jumping across Niagara Falls and the world was astonished! He wrote a book about his adventure called ‘My Ultimate Adventure’.

  3. #3 by Nicole on June 20, 2015 - 7:49 pm

    This is an amazing story x

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